Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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