When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
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I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
why is half of my head shaved?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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