You're completely useless in the revolution.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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