Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize