You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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