Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize