you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
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What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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