$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
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This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
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Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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