Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize