OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
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The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
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Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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