ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
one might say we're banned from that church
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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