tell your sister to shave her snatch
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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