I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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