I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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