dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
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you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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