remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
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She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
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Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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