Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize