boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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