you guys were way drunker than both of me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
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Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I party with great urgency now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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