maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
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He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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