you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
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If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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