I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize