i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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