I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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