just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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