I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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