after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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