So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize