We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize