Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
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