Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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