There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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