Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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