Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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