When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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