ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize