dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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