Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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