make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize