I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
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wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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