dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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