cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize