dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize