it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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