she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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