3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize