happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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