I want to have your abortion
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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