his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
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Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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