are you so shy because you have an std?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
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We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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