you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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